The 5 Stages of Moving Abroad
Coming from someone who's done it 6 times, these are the challenges you must be prepared for when moving abroad.
So you're thinking of leaving the motherland and diving into a brand new territory? Good for you.
Moving abroad is, for many, a fantasy — a romanticised experience of chasing dreams and pushing limits. For others, it's a necessity — escaping tough politics, unfair wages or finding a safe place to grow. For me, it is something in between.
Undoubtedly, whatever your reason for moving abroad is and wherever you decide to start a new life, you will have to adapt to it.
I took the plunge 10 years ago and 6 countries later, this is the pattern that I have found inevitably repeating itself in my process of adaptation.
The bad news — it doesn't always follow the same order. The good news — once you go through it, you'll experience balance.
Stage 1: Honeymoon — "I fucking love my life"
Imagine moving to a place you've only seen in photos. A place with daily sunshine, palm trees, an equality-driven international community and endless possibilities.
When I moved to Barcelona I wanted to do everything at once — learn Spanish immediately, go hiking, skating, swimming every day, get involved with the communities, start a social club and try a million other things.
Everything was new, fresh and exciting. If I was taking drugs it'd be this place.
Pro tip: Enjoy this stage to the fullest and write down how you feel. The happiness and motivation you experience in this stage will help you go through the less exciting ones.
Stage 2: Regret — "What was I thinking?"
Hate to break it to you, but at some point, you will facepalm the lovely ground of your new home-to-be and your rose-coloured glasses will shatter to pieces.
Think language barriers, bureaucracy, cultural differences, unintentionally breaking the law or straight-up loneliness and depression.
Sometimes all of these can come at once, making it extremely overwhelming to find a silver lining. There will be a lot of work and information to be learned about the new place and it can be all very confusing.
Having an "I am a strong independent woman who can figure out her own shit" mindset hasn't been always very helpful for me in these scenarios.
You are not expected to, and you shouldn't, go through obstacles like these on your own.
The second time I moved abroad to my student accommodation in France, I immediately felt regret. Practical matters became my living hell and not knowing a word of french left me feeling ignorant and ignored.
Pro tip: Seek help. The truth is, most people would be honoured to be a helping hand. If you feel detached or need guidance, join an expat community and seek out connecting with people. The local International House, your colleagues and neighbours can, and most likely will, help you adjust. Don't try to do it on your own, it's a dark and lonely path.
Stage 3: Doubt — "Was this the worst decision I ever made?"
The caveat to moving to another country is how easy it is to immediately start comparing it to your hometown or the country you lived in before.
When I moved to the Netherlands, the lockdown, dark home office and grey weather left me daydreaming of the Spanish sun and second-guessing my decision-making strategy. “Why? Just… why (did I leave the worry-free life behind for this mess)??”.
I could have sat and thought of a way out, but instead, I found a way how to transform my routine to match the current circumstances.
While everything may not happen for a reason, a bold move like leaving your life behind usually has at least one.
Maybe it isn't what you'd expect it to be and your routine will be utterly and completely shaken up. This is culture shock and it takes time to sink in.
Pro tip: Reflect on why you chose to move away in the first place and read that journal entry from the happy stage. You will likely find a purpose and a goal that you were going for and is worth the temporary discomfort.
Stage 4: Nostalgia — "What if…"
We don’t remember the past in its complete accuracy and no matter how bad it is for us, we have a tendency to go back to what’s familiar or what was.
My reasoning for moving abroad young in my teenage years stems from feelings of estrangement and thirst for growth. I never truly felt at home and couldn't imagine ever feeling nostalgic for my country.
Well, it happened.
Not only have I felt nostalgic for my motherland, but I also felt nostalgic for virtually every other country I've been to.
"What if I stayed in Spain? Everybody loves it there. What if I moved to Japan? It would be a great challenge. Why couldn't I have settled in Bulgaria? It can't be that bad."
A country doesn't make a home.
Home is within you, your friends and family, your environment and the comfort you surround yourself with. It's in your hands to take discomfort and transform it into something else.
Pro tip: The moment you start having ideas of leaving, understand the power of your emotional brain and how it impacts your decision-making. Your next step will change your life.
Stage 5: Balance — "This is good for me."
If you made it through all the disappointments and frustrations, eventually you will experience balance.
You might not entirely overcome the cultural differences, but you'll have learned to find humour and beauty in them.
This is the point you have finally settled in, already built some solid connections and own your routine. You have adapted. Only at this point, you will have clarity on whether you should stay or go.
Although I have moved 6 times, I haven't fully experienced all stages every time. It usually takes more than a year to fully adapt.
Having chosen the easy way out in the past, I now know the choice I make today will not be due to frustration, nostalgia or an impulse but it will be driven by a purpose.
Final word
Adapting to a new environment isn't easy and it could be a daunting process.
Remember, your home is within you and comfort takes time to build up. It doesn’t require all that much bravery to move to another country, but it does to stay there.
Being mindful about each one of these stages will lessen their impact. If you are moving abroad for the first time, go and do it! You will never have to wonder again if you have it in you.
With that said, if you are well over the 5 stages of moving abroad then the next step is deciding to stay or leave.
Now that you've gone through the process of adaptation once, you are unstoppable. You can flourish here and everywhere else if you chose to.
Like Jay-Z says, "On to the next one!".
